The Real Big Social Bubble

Commerce and consumption and social stress near the limit?

We may be entering times of great social unrest. There are too many corporations, selling too many products, with too many varieties, too aggressively!

We, who are able to, are consuming too much, resulting great waste and pollution.

There has been some talk of a long term commercial bubble that is strained considerably and about to burst. Perhaps like previous occurrences when business, markets and spending were pushed too high by investment, business and consumer recklessness. They then slumped and later returned to a more normal trend line. While we may again repeat that cycle there is also concern circulating about double dipping to yet new lows and perhaps worse.

Much of the populace is in worry mode about finances, family, and the environment and what lies ahead for our lifestyles and the world in general. These are both confusing and stressful times if we consider some of the negative trends in the way commerce, government and people are acting and interacting. The circumstances this time might be quite different than in earlier serious setbacks as there have been so many social changes for so many years, both positive and negative.

In my 77 years I have seen so many great advances made in living standards, for most; yet there has not been accompanying success in attaining greater social happiness, world peace or eliminating poverty. Over the past decades in the developed world, our society has turned into a consumption monster where more is never enough. So many excesses have been pumped into the way we live under the intense pressure applied by corporate marketing. Commercial interests are now always in the forefront 'encouraging' us onward.

Have we come too far down the wrong path for a gentle turnaround?

The ideology of free enterprise is total devotion to maximizing profits in any manner allowed and increasingly without fairness. There is also a lack of effective laws to control unethical business practices, or the will to enforce those that exist. This infected free enterprise system is allowed to grow with little obstruction and in such a way that social abuse for personal or corporate gain becomes more acceptable with each passing year. Competition for consumers' money, to increase shareholder value, is always a priority. This has some very undesirable effects on society as corporate methods intensify and become less ethical.

The overall results are obvious. We are living in an era of ongoing dissatisfaction with what we have, and with what we must have. We have been told over and over that we need more stuff - and we believe it. Most of us. We are going to pay the price for allowing this, in our living standard values, and with world social distress and environmental deterioration.

Democracy's 'free enterprise' has been too free as it has allowed the corporate world to design our social habits and standards to their liking and financial benefits. We have been programmed to always expect more, much of which is non-essential or promotes unhealthy or stressful living and resulting in great amounts of waste being dumped every day.

Too many, too large corporations are producing and marketing too many goods and services that do not make life better or may even be harmful. The costs of material and wages are wasted when the production is unneeded whereas they could be directed to producing more goods and services that have social and family values, such as in education, health, peace, poverty assistance and world friendly projects. Regularly today newer products and services are unimproved, of poor quality, defective or unworkable and simple junk. But too often it can be sold for no good purpose other than for profit, depleting and spoiling our world's natural resources needlessly.

Can pumping money into a faltering enterprise system, to encourage more buying to boost the economy and markets really help society? Perhaps.

But we must consider some of the material things that are now aggressively merchandised that are excessive in quantity, size, style and cost; proud possessions such as cars, homes, clothes, appliances, gadgets and toys. Increasingly these have too many features so they can be proclaimed 'New and Improved'. There are too many varieties of too many products, which might not differ significantly but will waste more retail space and fill our shelves at home, perhaps to be trashed unused.

And while exorbitant riches may come from this and be too easily or unjustly accumulated for some, others in this world live in devastating and cruel poverty.

A more valued, equitably distributed lifestyle lies ahead for the world's citizens, but not with the underlying commercial and political strategies of today.

Perhaps we will continue this trend another decade or more until it no longer holds together. An unfortunate outcome, but at some point in time consumers will have had enough. They will become dissatisfied with democracy's hang-ups and begin to regret life's stresses used in the processes of acquiring those things which do not make for a better life at all. In very recent years there has been a backlash slowly arising. The serious issues of global warming and environmental deterioration have had increased attention that will hopefully expand significantly.

But to fix this once and for all we also need to return to a more rational way of existing that is satisfying and fair to all, and sustainable. We cannot continue with our high flying market-consume way of living if we want a society that we can feel good about. Simpler living is one prescription, from the super rich corporate executives, athletes and entertainers, down to so many middle class citizens we need to downsize our artificial desires. And the lives of the unfortunate lower class must be improved and poverty eliminated.

This will require a new way of thinking about ourselves and our place in the world and it will be necessary for citizens to voice their dissatisfaction with the commercially oriented society. We must insist on strong and innovative systems of government for all that do not favor corporations and the elite.

Consumers will become dissatisfied with democracy's hang-ups and begin to regret life's stresses used in the processes of acquiring those things which do not make for a better life at all. In very recent years there has been a backlash slowly arising. The serious issues of global warming and environmental deterioration have received increased attention in recent years and hopefully will become mainstream in future social planning.

But restoring normalcy to the artificial aspects of our way of living will involve less commercialism and consumption. Outlawing excessive and deceptive or harmful advertising would be a good start towards long term social healing. Imagine the changes if there were strict regulations in place, with goods and services purchased more wisely, not by persuasion but out of necessity or by word-of-mouth recommendation.

Marketing and consumerism are due for severe trimming, in this decade or perhaps much further on. Profits will shrink, businesses will suffer and markets will drop as we begin to return to a more natural existence.

Sooner or later, quickly and harshly, or gently over time, a simpler and happier society lies ahead.

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Ideas That Can Make Life So Good

If I had my life to live over I'd do a much better job and from an early age.

Yet I'm very happy here and now. As we should all be, especially if we have sufficient accommodation, food and clothing.

If we do have all the basic necessities and are still weighted down with worries, tensions or emptiness, a few personal positive changes could be a big help in bringing increased happiness and a better life.

"This strange disease of modern life with its sick hurry, its divided aims." Sounds like the times in which we now live but it was written in the 1800's by Matthew Arnold. Stress is not uncommon but at this point in time it seems to be very much on the rise for so many. Our present social environment can make us feel anxious, empty or downright miserable if we do not have the right prescription for living well.

There are numerous happenings in our lives that can leave us feeling worried and depressed for long periods of time. But there is a wonderful prescribed set of ideas written on the topic of living wisely, much of which has been carried down through the ages. Some very helpful advice can be found repeatedly throughout these wise writings. We may only need to adopt our choices as our own treasures and keep them close at hand. A sampling is presented here.

A simple change of thought can provide an immediate improvement in how we are feeling at any moment. Initially this may not be easy to do and will require practice, but the results can be so valuable in eliminating those bad moments.

Cheerfulness will come from acting cheerful because it is very difficult to act one way and feel the opposite. Happiness is in our thoughts, it is not material things or experiences, but it is what we are thinking, now. So focus on pleasant ideas, words and experiences and feel better.

Smile and be smiled at! We are not likely to feel angry or upset when smiles are exchanged. Such a simple act with such a positive effect, and so said Joseph Addison (1672-1719); "What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. They are but trifles, to be sure, but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Our values should be reviewed from to time. So many of us go through life always wanting more and better, much of which does not bring peace of mind and often just the opposite. It is normal to want more for ourselves and our families, but of what value will it truly be and how much will it cost in terms of real life? How many extra hours of stress and anxiety, now and later, are required? Anxieties abound in our social surroundings, even encouraged as we are continually bombarded with messages telling us that we must have more. But we do not need to go this way. We can eliminate those things which are not necessary for a contented life.

Carrying a heavy load of problems and worries for which there is no solution can take the enjoyment out of living, and worse, make us sick. Of course this is a complete waste of time. If our anxiety is about something we should fix, and can fix, and want to fix, then we should fix it. Otherwise we can forget it! Shantideva put this simply; "If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?"

In a stressful situation slow down and if you can, take a break. Visualize your way out of your tension by picturing a very calm and peaceful setting. Use deep easy breathing as a soother, and continue this regularly throughout the day.

Confidence seems difficult or impossible to achieve for many of us, but happily this can be improved upon. Personality might make it difficult but we can be content with doing what we can do. A good start is to forget trying to be perfect in the eyes of others and feel good ourselves. There is plenty of room on earth for us who are not superstars. There is only one you - you are unique and special in this world.

Feeling hopeless and sick might seem very appropriate and unique to your very difficult situation, but you should know that many of us have suffered similar or worse experiences and survived very well. So will you. To counteract the feeling of hopelessness, list those assets which you possess. Some of these: family, youth, friends, health, job, home, nature, pets, garden, music, faith, books...

Kindness benefits both ways. Many wise people have stated a very important relationship between our feelings toward others and how we feel. By thinking of and being thoughtful of other people, we get our thoughts away from ourselves and whatever is causing our misery. It's simple according to Benjamin Franklin; "When you are good to others, you are best to yourself."

Anger may seem justified when we have been hurt, however let's review the situation and consider the facts and effects. Who is being harmed by our anger or revenge? If we are sickened and causing ourselves more hurt, what is the sense? On this topic Arnold Bennett in the 1800's surmises; "It's hard to have one's watch stolen, but one reflects that the thief of the watch became a thief from causes of heredity and environment which are as interesting as they are scientifically comprehensible; and one buys another watch, if not with joy, at any rate with a philosophy that makes bitterness impossible."

Stress may attempt to intervene in your daily habits but do not permit it. Visit a peaceful retreat in your imagination, and at different times during the day, go there to calm your feelings. Picture it in vivid detail. Perhaps a comfortable room with soft music. A quiet place in the woods. A placid fishing lake. A beautiful garden with flowers, trees, birds, water falls. Perhaps such a place already exists for you. While you are there, let go of everything except where you are.

Guilt? Go easy on yourself and accept that we all make mistakes, or have done some very bad things that we so wish that we had not done. We can think about these but only long enough to review them initially; then make amends if possible, and if you want to. Finally determine better actions in future situations such as a avoiding experiences that result in guilt by not judging, blaming, or harming others - or yourself.

Love is such an asset but it can also involve problems with differences in opinion, manners and actions. One description of a long term loving relationship might be the desire for two people to spend their lives together, with a continuing compassion for each other through good and bad times. Joseph Addison put it quite nicely, "Two persons who have chosen each other out of all the species with a design to be each other's mutual comfort and entertainment have, in that action, bound themselves to be good-humored, affable, discreet, forgiving, patient, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailties and perfections, to the end of their lives."

In criticizing others we can make ourselves look bad and there can be repercussions. On the other hand listening and making an effort to see others' viewpoints results in less pressure to perform and tasks at hand will be made easier. The added friendliness returned to us will be uplifting. "He will succeed if he remains firm in principle and goes beyond selfish considerations to mingle freely with those who do not share his feelings, as well as those who do." - I Ching

Sleep tight suggestions. Quietly relaxing in the evening is most helpful to a peaceful night and a better tomorrow. An alcohol nightcap is relaxing but unfortunately usually sets a mental alarm clock for about 2am. Trying to put yourself to sleep has the opposite effect, so instead of clamping your eyes tight try leaving them lightly open to roam the room, or fix them on an insignificant object. Think peaceful scenes. Count sheep or count deep breaths. You can also consider that you do not need so much sleep and limit tossing to 15-20 minutes. Then get up and watch some boring TV or work on an easy crossword puzzle which will direct your mind away from what was agitating it. This can work very well and an hour or more of this and a return to bed can result in a sound shortened sleep.

Humility as well as self-confidence is necessary in a well-balanced life and this gives us a sound approach to interacting with other people. They feel good and we feel good, and another friend is added value in our lives. "Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief." - Marcus Cicero (BC)

So to improve our lives we can do what we would do to learn a trade, art or game; we can read and practice. A good place to start is the self-help or self-improvement section of the public library or bookstore. If you think that this is an odd place in which to be seen, think again. There are very many big selling self-help titles to choose from. These books are popular reading. Start with the most popular books on various self-help topics. Reread the better ones, highlight the best phrases, and take notes. Set aside fifteen minutes a day to help make good thinking and happy, satisfied feelings a way of life. It could be the best time investment you ever made.

Always consider professional medical help with difficult physical and mental health problems. We should not shy away from anything that could improve our lives.

This article is based on Grampa Ken's 32 KEYS A Collection of Ideas About Life. An online booklet online since 1999, it began with the accumulation of a few helpful tips on living well, much needed along the journey to here.



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Materialism and Happiness

Tis the Season to Consume, to Waste and Spoil.
 
Unless you should choose to do otherwise,
for the well being of the world and for you and yours.

Consumerism: The continuing desire to acquire more and better goods and services. The belief that an accumulation and consumption of more than is needed demonstrates success and achieves happiness.

Procuring material excesses in order to live the good life is a fallacy of our times.

Materialism and Happiness; it is not necessarily a choice of basic or too much and many people in this world would be happier with more money - to buy basic necessities - the poor. For the rest of us it is a balancing act where, after a certain point, the effort to earn more money and have more possessions begins to take from our peace and happiness.

Increasingly in our consumer world the excessive efforts required to accumulate more riches brings on all kinds of problems including anxieties and poor health. It usually requires special efforts including theft of life's precious hours and days.

Too often extraordinary dedication and energy are used to accumulate grand possessions, and more often than we read about, crime is the means to ‘succeed’. Some extremely rich and powerful business people have ended up behind bars, and they are only a fraction of those who belong there. The final results of getting to the top can be empty, disappointing or disastrous.

Those that succeed in attaining riches are not necessarily any happier at all, particularly if they have stressed all along the way, or are still yearning for more. This is often the case and the news frequently contains incidents of family failures, addictions and other sad experiences of popular people. How many entertainment and sports heroes and other rich and famous idols have fallen into pits of anguish? Living with tensions and so far removed from the basic natural pleasures that life has to offer.

At the other extreme you may have noted on TV, scenes of people in poorer nations, particularly children, happily enjoying themselves in very impoverished surroundings. Those that have at least the basics; food, clothing and shelter. That should send an important message.

Protect yourself against affluenza, n. a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more. - Wikipedia

Average citizens have been programmed, to some degree, to the consumer lifestyle. They are encouraged daily to feel better and more important with bigger, better, newer stuff. However this self-indulgence can be artificial and short term as each new possession fades away. Meanwhile days get busier and feelings edgier if falling behind the trends, even when accumulating considerable new things.

Consumed with the idea of always wanting more puts one in a state of continual frustration, forever in need, artificially. For many keeping up with peers can be a life long struggle, depending on finances and how the continuous marketing hype affects them. To add to the negative effects, so much of what was shrewdly marketed with slick ads does not meet basic expectations after purchase, or is junk.

Materialism places a burden on families as quality time together lessens or disappears.

Everywhere in countries that have prospered, excesses prevail even while there exists a lack of basic requirements for so many of their people. Even while so much of the world's people live in abject poverty. It is so imbalanced; a world of abundance and wastage, and a world of misery and hopelessness.

Where excesses are widespread they can be magnificent. Houses have grown immensely over the years using up more land and natural resources to build them, fuel to keep them cozy and furniture to fill them. Consumers want more impressive homes and although there may be much more space in which to roam, spacious rooms do not necessarily translate to cozy comfort. And there is the extra cost that can be a hindrance to other more enjoyable and healthier experiences.

The auto industry has made many fortunes selling us more than we need but may be reaching the tipping point. They are just too costly for mother earth and her inhabitants.

The merchandising of styles and the branding of consumers, children in particular, has worked enormously well for industry. It is not working well for families and society in general. Styles promote a competitive environment while friendship grows healthier in a noncompetitive environment.

Many, if not most, are on a consumer treadmill and would like to slow it down or get right off, but there is always that pressure applied to keep going. What is most upsetting is that this pressure has been directed at kids, conscripting them to a life dedicated to 'needing' and consuming.

It is the corporate agenda, massively funded and very powerful.

Simple peaceful living with smaller, lesser, basic.
There are obvious advantages to toning down our consumption which may not be obvious to those addicted to the persuasion box and other marketing media's assembly line output of temptations.

A generally calmer and happier existence should be a direct result of a simpler lifestyle, working less anxiously with generous amounts of free time for hobbies, play and family at home. Turning off the TV and heading outdoors could be the first and easiest way to get started on a positive improvement routine.

En masse as a social trend, simple living would result in much needed easing to the destruction of our lands, seas and animals.

Remember that this widespread consuming mania is designed by corporations for corporations so do yourself a favor and live easier and happier - get off the treadmill.

"A society in which consumption has to be artificially stimulated in order to keep production going is a society founded on trash and waste, and such a society is a house built on sand." - Dorothy L. Sayers

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80 and Wondering About Life and Society

Grampa Ken muses on social ills, consumerism and values, happiness and the good life.

If this is the era of plenty and so much for so many, why are millions living in poverty or starving? As we gobble up natural resources and dump massive amounts of waste into our environment, why do we work so hard at competing for yet more of so much? That we don't need! Why are the big free enterprise machines permitted to promote and expand this social phenomenon? Mesmerized, we strive and stress to comply with their mandate. We are programmed.

So as another year passes I'm still wondering; what the heck are we doing with society, our planet and the people on it? What are we leaving for future generations?

Something is very wrong with our social structure and behavior. We've come a long way from the caveman days but our advancements in achieving the good life seem to have crested a while back. So many facets of society have become faster, tenser and somewhat nastier, and commerce has been the big influence.

But personally life is good depending on one's sense of values, and I am optimistic about seeing a sensible and just civilization ahead, somewhere. It will take some huge changes in the way we do business, treat the poor and value simplicity and peaceful lifestyles over materialistic 'achievements'. But we can do it and we will do it. I know there is a lot of talk going on out there at this time; particularly on the internet as many are concerned and beginning to get involved in speaking out for change.

Anyway birthday boy has some comments about arriving at the big 77.

I'm enjoying my retired relaxed life and my most valuable assets - my family. A loving wife, two perfect kids and two wonderful grandkids. WOW!

Sure we are faced with much bad NEWS, but we've always had bad news stories. There are just more people here now, and then there's the shock and sensationalism delivered daily by the media guys who are making the most of what will get consumer attention and earn them a bit more profit.



But looking positively, lots of nice things happen most days as I turn another page.

I feel good when I pass a 100 year senior uptown who makes a point to catch my eye, so as to exchange smiles. I imagine their many years of the good life with nice friends and family, problems that were handled wisely and in a kind and positive attitude. And no guilt as they probably buried negative experiences long ago, as we all should.

Often I get a pleasant greeting or a polite gesture from a teenager. Even a rough looking kid will likely return a smile if you just give one first, as with mostly people. He only looked a bit unfriendly - he had a lot on his mind. I remember.

Who benefits most, the giver or the receiver of a friendly expression? Perhaps it's a draw.

A while back I was picking up a small bouquet of flowers at the supermarket; it wasn't Valentines Day and it was early morning, about 8:30am. As I walked to the store entrance a very old gent about 90-100 came out slowly. He was in sports coat and tie and carrying a small bouquet of flowers. I wondered if he was heading for some happy or sad moments. Either way, lots of lovely memories, I'm certain of that.

There are some disadvantages to aging and one of the most common is a weakened memory system. A blank can pop up at any moment, such as a person's name, and can be embarrassing unless you have given up getting embarrassed. There is one thing that I constantly forget; I can't remember just what but it's no big deal anyway. A doctor told me that this is a common problem as you get older, offered up some suggestions and concluded that I was actually OK - for a guy my age. But I'm not too sure what a veterinarian should know about my mental well-being anyway.

Eye floaters, objects and dots that reside in the field of vision for awhile, are common. Last week I chased fruit flies around the kitchen with no luck and am not sure there were any.

Creativity may not lessen so much as many think. Just this year I perfected a way to save water. By gradually pressing the handle on the toilet it can perform its flush function exactly when there is just enough water, without using an extra drop, without discharging the tank! I know - put a brick in it, but sometimes you need the full contents.

And I've come up with some great suggestions just recently.
To my Credit Union: You have a notice on your ATM "DON'T FORGET YOUR CARD." Well how about adding "Don't forget your money." I was just a bit embarrassed about the time I took my card and left the $200 cash behind. But thanks to Coast Capital anyway for finding it for me; you guys have always been tops. Do you know the machine sucks the money back in if you don't take it? If nobody else is there to grab it that is!

To the Minister of Highways. I have been wondering why your freeway has provided a 'FAST LANE' for those reckless maniac drivers that often point to heaven as they pass me. So they can go even faster? Well how about a SLOW lane so us older guys, who know all about life and relaxation, can check out the scenery and enjoy a peaceful ride into town?

Ah so many pluses in reaching a ripened age! People sometimes tell me that I'm looking good and I of course return the compliment. And there are hardly any rerun movies on TV anymore - anything I haven't seen for a year is all new. And there is so much more...

Regrets? I once had a lot but no more. Guilt? I would be burdened with them, but only if I ever stopped to think about them again and I won't! Being a senior is a time when you are able to say; "I don't care" about certain problems. Problems that weren't even problems or those that I couldn't do anything about. So many worries never really materialize or fade away quickly anyway.

Life can be good whatever your age so don't just sit around watching TV. Get up and about, but relax and don't rush. Be positive and friendly. Read and learn to improve your well being. Develop and follow healthy eating habits. Sleep well!

Every season hath its pleasures;
Spring may boast her flowery prime,
Yet the vineyard's ruby treasures
Brighten Autumn's soberer time.
Thomas Moore (1779-1852)

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Grampa's extended bio... if you could stand more...
Photo: Elderly couple enjoying scenery at Crescent Beach BC.

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25 Top Life Happiness Quotations

Best of self-help quotations dealing with stress, anger, worry, fear.
Positive tips on living healthfully, confidently, happily, peacefully.

Good ideas for life in just a few words from Grampa's personal collection of popular sayings, selected from tens of thousands, tuned to his needs over a lot of years.

Quotes generally can be very dull just because there are so many. Some are trite, stale and similar or have been reworded many different times over. There are also some very wise words passed on down through many centuries. Some of these, if contemplated and fixed in the mind, can alter lives in a very positive manner. I know that claiming a few of these words and suggestions on several select topics have improved my life immensely.

Often adopting a new smart living idea will make a strong positive change in a person's well being. And a collection of wise and helpful practices can help turn a dissatisfied life in a new direction, one with valued years filled with joy.

Where are these expressions and which will work?

The most interesting and widely popular ones are common knowledge and they are everywhere. Originally set down in various writings they have been repeated in books, magazines, orated and on the internet. Much has been translated and expressed in different words but with similar meanings. If these quotations were not important, truly wise and useful, why would they be so widely quoted as much as 2000 years later?

Some of these words might seem immediately helpful, others repetitive or dull or seem utterly useless; we all have our personal interests, strengths and weaknesses. For those you feel are of value and worth remembering why not keep them within reach by your morning mirror, on your calendar or PC and eventually in your mind?

Johann Von Goethe noted almost 200 years ago; "All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience."

Exactly Johann!

Grampa's personal collection kept close at hand over the past quarter century.

• "Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead." - Scottish Proverb
• "The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life, which is required to be exchanged for it immediately or in the long run." - Henry Thoreau
• "The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, not to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly." - Buddha
• "If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?" - Shantideva
• "Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief." - Marcus Cicero
• "I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet." - Ancient Persian Saying
• "Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated of it." - Henry Ward Beecher
• "He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves." - Chinese proverb
• "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - AA Motto
• "When you are good to others, you are best to yourself." - Benjamin Franklin
• "For it is not death or hardship that is a fearful thing, but the fear of death or hardship." - Epictetus
• "If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others." - Duc de Rochefoucauld
• "What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. They are but trifles, to be sure, but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable." - Joseph Addison
• "He will succeed if he remains firm in principle and goes beyond selfish considerations to mingle freely with those who do not share his feelings, as well as those who do." - I Ching
• "The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words." - Buddha
• "Life is mostly froth and bubble; Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in our own." - Adam Gordon
• "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." - Nathaniel Hawthorne
• "The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." - Thomas Jefferson
• "Life, we learn too late, is in the living, in the tissue of every day and hour." - Stephen Leacock
• "There is however, a true music of nature - the song of the birds, the whisper of leaves, the ripple of waters upon a sandy shore, the wail of wind or sea." - John Lubbock
• "There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery." - Colonel Sanders
• "Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out." - Art Linkletter
• "The finest lives, in my opinion, are those who rank in the common model, and with the human race, but without miracle, without extravagance." - Michel de Montaigne
• "Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission." - Arnold Bennett
• "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven." - John Milton

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Idols, Fame and Failed Lives

Business and entertainment - success and ruin.
Another black sore on our failing social structure?

The rewards of attaining fame and fortune
can be very costly in terms of a life of happiness.


It is so unfortunate when entertainers or business tycoons strive relentlessly to achieve top rating only to find themselves in the eye of a storm of stress and torment. The final results of achieving idol status can be so devastating, in business if you err badly, but especially in the entertainment industry.

Talented individuals want to achieve success in life and to be happy, and their parents may wish this for them. But they must first pay attention to the bad news stories and picture the overall saga from start to finish. There are so many tales about attaining glory and the heartaches that go with it. Under gentle circumstances and with most careers, the arts and sports, winning can be so wonderful.

So would you encourage your talented son or daughter toward stardom? What a dilemma with all that recognition and success that could lie ahead. But again it comes down to the perception of success. A peaceful and happy family life enjoying simple and natural values seems to offer the best journey and destination. With stardom this cannot be easy at all.

The corporate entertainment machines, with profits as the main objective, have made it very difficult for stars to have both success and true happiness in their lives. So often they will be over programmed and driven into the wall, exhausted and empty. And of course there is the star's personal desire to acquire yet more, which is so prevalent in so many areas of our society.

You have read enough stories of the resulting pain and humiliation of some of the most post popular and successful stars. The list is long: Famous Celebrity Addicts. This is why I shudder when I read of children or youth talent contests.

Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems.
Bill Allin's overview of the consequences of achieving stardom warns; "Many people would happily change lives with their idols, but they know almost nothing about the troubles these famous people endure. They would hate it.

'Before we set our hearts too much on anything, let us examine how happy are those who already possess it.' - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680)

Many (especially, but not exclusively, young people) people wish they could be rock stars. So many rock stars are either drug users or addicts or heavy users of alcohol, or both, that it's a wonder anyone would want to emulate them. True, they get adulation from the crowds, but the pressure on them to make continually more money to support growing numbers of helper employees often nets them less than their less heralded counterparts.

Music stardom brings with it fame, a double edged sword. Being recognized every time you step out your door is great for the ego for a while, but it becomes stifling when you can't appear in public anywhere without being mobbed. Stardom usually reduces a person's ability to move around in public places, including traveling, which many "unknown" people enjoy.

Movie stars have gained adoring followers since the days of silent movies. They suffer the same downside of fame as the music stars. And the same pressure to make more money and inability to move about in public without attracting greedy and grabby fans. The "stars" who inhabit the pages of supermarket tabloids have no private lives at all. The paparazzi follow them everywhere and photograph them in the most embarrassing and compromising situations possible. . . . .

As the old saying goes: The pasture always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but it looks just as brown as your own when you get up close. A newer saying goes: Be careful what you wish for, you may get it.

Read the entire article here. Bill Allin blogs and writes a commentary on various subjects, mostly social problems.

It is normal to want better, but we have to balance our goals with the cost. How much will it cost in terms of real life?

Related articles

Bad News Media's Good Stories

This is not a news story about greed, profit and deceit - quite the opposite!

With the steady stream of bad news stories that pour out of the media one has to wonder why. We will be fed the kind of information that will arouse our interest and therefore sell more advertising for the producers. Shock sells because it attracts our attention and is likely to hold on to it in the details. That is unless we refuse to take part and turn our interests elsewhere, a path that I have chosen some time ago. It can be as simple as pressing on one of the remote buttons if it's the TV. As long as we allow ourselves to watch accounts of distressful and loathsome events we will continue to supply our mind banks with more anxieties.

There are pleasing and uplifting stories but they are too few and they do not catch our attention as well as the accidents and crimes. They do not have shock 'appeal'.

Here is one such story about success and the acquiring of true riches in helping others.

I visited the Price Pro store which recently opened in the Newton area of Surrey BC. This is a new sizeable warehouse style store which retails general merchandise including a large selection of foods. But it is not your regular retail outlet. Price Pro is staffed with kindly and helpful people who have substance abuse problems or trouble with the law. They are in a "life skills academy," program and live in a nearby transition home.

There is a unique tale behind the store's motto Save Money, Change Lives. It is not news about a successful tycoon that has gone from rich to richer to jail.

From Rags to True Riches.

As a teenager John Volken came to Canada with only a few dollars, plenty of energy and lots of smarts. He worked his way up from minimum wage jobs to become an extremely successful businessman with his United Furniture Warehouse chain across Canada and the US.

John Volken also had heart.

"Having achieved his financial goal, John remembered his time in the orphanage and his dreams to one day make a difference in the lives of those in need. He searched for areas of social neglect, and in 1995 began meeting with countless advocates of the disenfranchised community. All voiced the need for long term, residential based treatment facilities, which would teach life and job skills to addicts and alcoholics or any dysfunctional members of society. For 8 years John visited and researched such facilities in the United States and Europe.

In 2004 he sold his furniture business to direct his wealth and talent as a ‘social entrepreneur’. Within a year he established a life skills academy in Seattle, WA and in Vancouver, B.C., which he named “Welcome Home”.
. . . .

Welcome Home is a sanctuary where all who are committed to turn their lives around are welcomed.
It is a place where people overcome behavioural challenges and gain or regain their dignity.
It is a place where love, respect, and tolerance co-exist with responsibility, discipline and learning.
It is a place to overcome bad habits and learn skills needed to live healthy successful lives.
Perhaps, most importantly, it is a place to call Home.

When students graduate they receive a $5,000 grant and leave Welcome Home with a new ability to retain jobs, nurture families, manage finances, and the inner strength to successfully deal with life’s challenges."

Read more about Welcome Home.
Local News story: Newton store strives to change lives.

Update: A new $50,000,000 Home has recently passed local government approval after much neighbourhood concern and discussion.

Do you think we of this era are greedier and more self-centered than they were in prior decades or long ago? Surely there were mean spirited business types and insatiable consumers way back. Some cavemen must have beat others for a piece of meat - but for a leaner cut?

I believe we have been coached and prodded to accumulate more and more money, goods and services. Through continuous fine-tuned marketing, consuming citizens have had greed programmed into them like never before. But perhaps we are cresting in our ongoing intense desires for more.

Meanwhile let's look for the good stories.

Other posts about life values

Children, Life and Happiness

How can you help a child towards a life of peace and contentment?

There are so many daily influences in our lives directing us towards unhealthy and unhappy lifestyles. We are constantly faced with pressures and persuasions to consume bad food and to live stressful lives with diminishing values.

Sickness, worry, anger, fear or depression can take over and dominate our existence, often because we have taken the wrong paths.

If you think you have anxiety, worries and troubles what are your kids going to have?

There are various ways to help a child to live a happier life such as getting kids involved in physical or mental, mind occupying interests. Home hobbies and activities like crafts or gardening, learning and partaking of nature with hiking, camping, or visiting city parks. Friendly and healthy sports.

These all help immensely and there is a lot of good information before us, on healthy eating and exercising habits for example.

Mental well being and happiness information is not so prominent yet is one of the best all-round general advantages in providing for a content and fulfilling life. Learning and practicing self-help and self-improvement could be the best time investment made for self or family.

A good place to start is the self-improvement or self-help section of the public library or bookstore. If you think that this is an odd place to be, think again. There are very many big selling self-help titles to choose from. These books are popular reading. These inspirational ideas are easy enough to understand, but more difficult to practice. But it just takes practice. Start with the most popular books on various self-help topics. Reread the better ones, highlight the best phrases, and take notes. Try to devote a few minutes a day to help make good thinking and happy, satisfied feelings a way of life.

Just a few examples of the ideas and little positive gems
that can be collected for pleasant travels into a positive future.

Poor self esteem?
"The finest lives, in my opinion, are those who rank in the common model, and with the human race, but without miracle, without extravagance." - Michel de Montaigne

Worry is only a worry if you worry about it.
"If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?" - Shantideva

Had some bad luck?
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out." - Art Linkletter

Trying too hard? Just where were you going?
"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." - Nathaniel Hawthorne

So what do you really need?
"Whether in favor or in humiliation, be not dismayed. Let your eyes leisurely look at the flowers blooming and falling in your courtyard. Whether you leave or retain your position, take no care. Let your mind wander with the clouds folding and unfolding beyond the horizon." - Hung Tzu-ch'eng

How much living are you willing to pay for that?
"The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life, which is required to be exchanged for it immediately or in the long run." - Henry Thoreau

Got a tough problem that needs solving?
Get all the facts. Describe the problem in detail. List all the possible solutions. List the advantages and disadvantages of each. Detail what you will do. Follow through.

Relationship problems - a viewpoint.
Joseph Addison puts it quite nicely this way: "Two persons who have chosen each other out of all the species with a design to be each other's mutual comfort and entertainment have, in that action, bound themselves to be good-humored, affable, discreet, forgiving, patient, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailties and perfections, to the end of their lives."

Take a break and appreciate.
"Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies." - Erich Fromm

Change your thoughts - change your feelings.
"Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission." - Arnold Bennett

These are some of the helpful reminders that are in my treasure chest of life tips. You should at least check out to see what's out there and what could be valuable and suitable to you and yours. There is so much practical life enhancing self-help information in print.

There are also many internet resources and again, there are very popular high-volume sites and blogs and some should suit your tastes. You can do a search of topics that concern you. Here are a few related resources.

A collection of Self-Help Websites and a list of 100 of the Best Self Help Blogs.
Other Self-help posts here, and my website 32 Keys About Life since 1999.

Relax, smile, take awhile. - Grampa Ken

Social Stress and Depression

In today's fast paced consumer world many of us get weighed down with tensions, stresses and worries. And worse.

Parenting pressures can mount and be overwhelming with the challenging issues of work, home and raising kids. Our kids are often under extreme pressures with growing up, learning, competing and striving for acceptance with peers, and dealing with adults.

Depression may set in for a combination of reasons for any family member, and it can be upsetting to devastating.

If guilt is involved get rid of it. We can consider our errors or wrong doings long enough to realize the error of our ways. If there is something we can do about it and want to, we can do it. Otherwise we can assure ourselves that we will avoid that mistake in the future. Beyond this, rebashing ourselves endlessly will do no good, is a complete waste of time and unhealthy.

To improve upon a frenzied troublesome way of life we can reassess our values and routines. If possible, we can eliminate some of those things which are not necessary to a contented life, and we can slow down. Achieving a stress free way of life will help keep us happier and living longer.

Have a friend. Friendship can be a soothing balm for depression sufferers as the relationship takes up some mental capacity that would otherwise be used on anxieties and self-doubt. "The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words." - Buddha.

Severe depression can be very difficult to deal with and extremely harmful healthwise. Medical attention should always be a first consideration for serious depression.

Facts About Depression from the FCIC
At some time or another, everybody feels sad or blue. But if you are sad most of the time, and it's causing problems in your relationships or with normal daily activities, the problem may be depression. Some people think that depression is just a state of mind that people can "snap out of" if they only try. Unfortunately, this is not true. Depression is a real illness and can affect people of any age, race, ethnic or economic group. In any given year, over 18 million American adults will suffer from a depressive illness (which affects nearly twice as many women as men) and it is the leading cause of disability in the United States.

Symptoms of Depression
Depressive disorders come in different forms, the most common being major depression, dysthymia and bipolar disorder. Within these types there are variations in the number of symptoms, their severity, and persistence.

No one knows what causes depression. It is an illness. It may have something to do with:

• The way different parts of the brain “talk” to each other
• Depression runs in the family
• Being very sick or being sick all the time
• Stress
• Using drugs or alcohol
• Having a baby

Some of the symptoms of depression include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Sadness
• Things that used to make you happy, don’t make you happy anymore
• No interest in eating
• Eating too much, or all the time
• Sleeping too little, or all the time
• Feeling tired all the time
• Feeling nervous or cranky
• Crying a lot
• Feeling guilty
• Feeling hopeless
• Trouble paying attention
• Thinking of death or trying to kill yourself

Read more on depression at the FCIC information, articles, publications and resources.
Other Self-help posts here at S-F

Saving Money Such a Great Idea

Why would you want to save money? Why not go all out with your spending today, you may not be here tomorrow?

You will be here tomorrow and for many many days after. Days in which you can feel more secure and glad that you are less in debt or have a comfortable stash put away for that something special. There is also a benefit to the environment in not overbuying.

And you should even feel better today if you realize that money you didn't spend couldn't purchase any real happiness anyway.

Ideas and tips on saving and why it is such a great lifestyle way.

ZenHabits puts it this way in Tip #20: Find happiness in life, not spending.
Many times people buy stuff because they think (subconsciously perhaps) that it will bring them happiness. They just HAVE to have the latest gadget or shoes or cars. It’s so fun! And yet, you buy that stuff, and you’re only happy for a day or two at most. Then you just need to buy more. It’s a never-ending cycle. Instead, learn to love life. Find joy in nature! In the people around you! In doing something you love! In exercise and meditation! There’s so much in life to make us happy, there’s no need to find it in spending.
From: 20 Money Hacks: Tips and Tricks to Improve Your Finances.


And from bankrate.com in 9 best reasons to save money
Reason #9 It just plain feels good.
Most savers see the long-term rewards as worthwhile -- and not just financially. "The more you put away, the more you want to put away," D'Arruda says. "You start feeling good, and you get a better feeling of self-worth when you're saving."


Marc and Angel Hack Life's 18 Means for Living Below Your Means starts off with
Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means.

And Pecuniarities has a long list of tips: 101 Ways to Save Money in Everyday Life
Here we offer 101 suggestions for plugging expenditures in various aspects of your life - around the house, in your personal care, transportation, recreation and more.

A very simple sample budget. - MoneyInstructor.com

Get to it and enjoy living more.